There are two types of waiting. There’s the the waiting you do for something you know is coming, sooner or later—like waiting for the 6:28 train, or the school bus, or a party where a certain handsome boy might be. And then there’s the waiting for something you don’t know is coming. You don’t even know what it is exactly, but you’re hoping for it. You’re imagining it and living your life for it. That’s the kind of waiting that makes a fist in your heart.

» (via wordsthat-speak)  
reblogged 16 hours ago @ 23 Sep 2014 with 37,893 notes via/source
reblogged 23 hours ago @ 23 Sep 2014 with 36 notes via/source

I would break to touch you.
I have, in fact. Over and over
but I cannot put you away.
Cannot prematurely sever
the ends of our conversations
cannot say at this point
I would not marry you.
I fear a life devoid
of passion. Of unspoken
empty silences
and memories
of love that once burned
so fiery and brilliant
of intimacy so profound
I can put my words away
for a few moments
stop trying to describe
our love.
This is what I have felt,
with you.
You are the one
I will compare all
of the rest to.
You asked me
not to forget about you
How could I? I asked.
You are still
the love of my life.

» "Don’t Tell Me To Let Go" by Radha Kistler {radhakistler.com} (via floatinginthethoughtstreams)  
reblogged 2 days ago @ 21 Sep 2014 with 58 notes via/source

I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.

» Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time    
reblogged 1 week ago @ 15 Sep 2014 with 51,717 notes via/source
(c) Michael Faudet
posted 1 week ago @ 15 Sep 2014 with 16 notes
xThe Chase xMichael Faudet xPoetry xPoem xLove xQuotes xHappiness xRelationships xSpilled ink xProse xLit

Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.

» Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince   
reblogged 1 week ago @ 11 Sep 2014 with 465 notes via/source

You don’t want love, you want
something you consider
More meaningful.
You want sanity.
You want some sense of accomplishment
a way to look into the mirror and be proud
of the person you are becoming.
A way to be proud of what you have done.
The lone wolf conquering the vast
landscape all on his own.

You do not want the pressure
of sonnets, and love songs.
Of endless devotion.

You tell me,
“I don’t want to be alone.
But I need to”

You cannot find
your own eternal pulse
within you yet.
You cannot find your own meaning
for why we do anything.

You will find your own way
in the world without me.

I tell myself
I have to let you go.

» "Journey of the Self" By Radha Kistler  
reblogged 1 week ago @ 11 Sep 2014 with 111 notes via/source

I have only been officially driving for less than a month or so, and I have been using an automatic. I first learned how to drive a car using a manual last year though. But I kinda swore to myself that I will never drive one again ever since I almost hit a car behind me. I always get nervous when the car I’m driving backs up, and my foot would automatically hit the brakes faster than my other foot would step on the clutch. Thus, resulting to a dead engine. A total facepalm moment. 

It’s been almost a year since I drove a manual, and today I dared to give it a try again. After being able to drive around using our automatic SUV, I gained the much needed confidence I lacked before. And that is probably what drove me to try my luck again with our manual.

I was overjoyed when I managed to drive it around and park it in our SUV’s parking spot. Then I parked our SUV near our house so that I can give it a little wash. After my car washing duties, I drove our SUV behind our manual so I can just easily move it forward to it’s spot when I have returned the manual back to it’s respective parking spot. Feeling confident that I would easily be able to put it back, I eagerly switched to our manual. But there was one thing I forgot to take important notice. I parked in an uphill area. The very moment I released the clutch, the car backed down and my foot automatically found the brakes. Why the hell did I park our SUV behind it and risk the chance of it getting hit by me?! I started sweating heavily when thoughts of the last incident I had with our manual came flashing back to me. Oh God. But I had to give it another try and I released the brakes. It backed down again and this time I hit the brakes too fast before I could properly step on the clutch. I killed the engine. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What to do? What to do? I was all by myself and my grandma doesn’t know a thing about driving! So I sat there with a dead engine and thought to myself. I should learn to conquer this trauma. I tried again. Dead engine. Tried again. Dead engine. And again. Dead engine. Four freakin’ times! I laughed at my own foolishness. Why was I so scared to let go of the brakes?! Why can’t I just hit the gas instead so I can move forward? I was sitting there trying to figure it all out on my own for almost half an hour. I thought about moving our SUV out of the way first, so that if kept moving back, I won’t hit anything. For some reason, I didn’t do it. I just stayed there and thought hard. Oh God I have called your name more than I should but I called to Him again and asked for His help again. And for the fifth time, I willed myself to start the engine again and release the clutch. I stepped on the brakes again the very moment the car backed down an inch. I’ll be stuck here forever if I keep hitting brakes! I summoned all my courage and released the brakes. I hit the gas as soon as I felt the car back down and FINALLY! God thank you! I moved forward! Phew! I started laughing at myself as I drove straight up the road. What have I gotten myself into? I turned around and readied to park it to it’s respective place. I made a turn too tight that I almost hit the street sign post the first try. I totally lost myself with that uphill trauma I just tried to conquer. I used to be able to park it with just one try. I had to reverse and redo the turn. I finally parked it perfectly on second try. I’m never doing that again! I’m not meant to drive a manual! I shouted and tried to calm myself down. My heart was still racing when my grandma approached me. “Wag mo sabihin yan, magtatampo yan” she told me, referring to our manual. She said I should try driving it again until I fully learn how to control it. She was right. Despite the fact that I made a complete fool out of myself there earlier, I should try to conquer that fear I have instead of letting it win over me. It would mean a lot if I learned how to drive our manual because hey, it doesn’t consume as much gas as our SUV. It would help me save gas money haha.

But then there was nothing more comforting when I sat down our SUV and drove it without having to worry about moving backwards or stepping on any clutch or killing the engine. I only had to step on the brakes, release it a little if I wanted to move a little. As easy at that! I just feel so at ease and more comfortable using our SUV now. I remembered how I used to tell everyone that I didn’t like to learn how to drive it because it was so big for me! The size of it was truly intimidating! But now, I can totally understand why they say using an SUV feels safer than using small cars. When I drove our manual around earlier, I felt so small and vulnerable. I now find more comfort in driving a huge SUV rather than driving a small car. To which I always thought would be easier to drive around. I was so wrong.

So yeah, I’m no longer dying to have a smaller car to drive. I am completely happy and contended with our SUV. But as for our manual, I will still try my best to get over my fear of driving uphill roads. Manual Vs. Automatic? The latter is no doubt the best choice for someone like me. It’s just a matter of preference. Some people prefer manual for a lot of reasons. But for someone who gets easily nervous and confused like me, driving a manual can be a bit of a challenge.

posted 2 weeks ago @ 07 Sep 2014 with 1 note
xI had to vent sorry xpersonal xdriving xfunny story

I followed another man
Down the rabbit hole.
You would think I would learn—
Remember what this darkness
Was like last time, but I never do.
I wanted to believe things could
Be different, that I could end up
Sitting for days at his desk chair
In a white dress, and that he would
Bathe me when it was all over.
Take care of me.
Then we would have
Our happy ending, but
We never did
And I ended up in a room
By myself with echoing fragments
Of all my loudest mistakes to
Fill my ears with, keeping
Me company. He never meant
To hurt me but I feel the sting
Of his absence like the confirmation
Of every fear I’ve ever had about
My own inadequacy.
And I remember the reasons
I never wanted to place one man’s
Importance over another.
I never wanted to be left
Again like this. Alone.
With small hands, a loud
Mind, and too much space
Between my body and sleep.
I tell myself that I am not
Alice in Wonderland any longer.
The dream of his touch
Is over.
It’s time to wake up.

» "The Dream Of His Touch" by Radha Kistler {radhakistler.com} (via floatinginthethoughtstreams)  
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 02 Sep 2014 with 56 notes via/source
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 02 Sep 2014 with 6,372 notes via/source

I had a dream last night about
two different men who at one time,
moved the span of my entire universe.

One made love to me, but at some point
I ran from him trying to find the other one,
the one I really wanted.

He was nowhere to be found. I looked
for him. He was the one I wanted,
I wanted to give everything of myself
to him, only to be emptied again
and again.

He was the one I wanted.
I had lost him again.

» "Lost Again" By Radha Kistler  (via floatinginthethoughtstreams)  
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 02 Sep 2014 with 49 notes via/source
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 02 Sep 2014 with 11,049 notes via/source

Once upon a time,
I fell in love with
A complication.
He saw me as magic
In his world, for a little while
We were a light at the end of
The tunnel, for each other.
Things grew, they changed.
The harsh reality of work
And too much distance
Interfered with a happy ending.
I could not understand the problem
With marrying my emotions
To a complication, when I lack
Simplicity myself.
I could not understand
The consequence of putting
All my romanticism
Into someone who disliked
The parts of themselves
I love most.

» "I Used To Be Magic To You" by Radha Kistler   
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 01 Sep 2014 with 68 notes via/source

I am better, but it’s daytime
And I am still dissolving.
You are an addiction
Body of a man I have loved
I want to desensitize myself,
Slowly to the thought of a life
Removed from you.
Without your voice
On the other end of the
Telephone —-
A reminder that I am not
The only one who is lonely.
I am better, but strangers
Can tell I am grasping at straws
Longing to be understood somehow.
To make a connection to the world
Outside of my mind. The world
Outside of you. I am an addict
To our memories.
I am getting better.
But I am still dissolving.

» "Dissolving" by Radha Kistler  
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 01 Sep 2014 with 44 notes via/source
And I have found my missing puzzle piece in you. Happy 6th month to us ❤️

And I have found my missing puzzle piece in you. Happy 6th month to us ❤️

posted 3 weeks ago @ 28 Aug 2014 with 1 note
xMonthsary xI love you xI miss you xCouple necklace xMy missing puzzle piece xcute xlove xrelationships xphotography xblack and white xpuzzle xdog tag xaccessories xnecklace xL❤️J xleozlion xnjmanalo xcouple