reblogged 21 hours ago @ 01 Oct 2014 with 2,635 notes via/source
reblogged 21 hours ago @ 01 Oct 2014 with 12,560 notes via/source

I am a chalkboard sea of loud
Promises and mistakes
I am always writing in
The answers
Then erasing them.
How foolish I have been
To think I could truly know
What I need from one
Moment to the next.
I am not the answer
To the question.
It’s almost Halloween
And I’m finally taking
Off the mask.
Admitting to myself
That I have hurt others
As much as I have been hurt.
My brain is a wash
Of gray colors
And I cannot distinguish
One thought pattern
From the next as they all
Blend together.
Demons are emerging
At the back of my mind
The fear is real.

» "Chalkboard" by Radha Kistler  
reblogged 21 hours ago @ 01 Oct 2014 with 79 notes via/source

I love you not because
You are a poem—
Some eternal idea
Comprised of words
And grand gestures
But because you are simply
A man: with all of your flawed
Beauty who understands
You are not perfect. Although
You always strive
To be more. I will
Imagine you for days
And wake in a silly,
Elated state
But I will meet you
Where you are. Taking in
All the smooth and
Rough edges of your
I am yours.
You are not
A hallucination
Or a projection.
You are mine.

» "Not a poem: but a man." By Radha Kistler   
reblogged 21 hours ago @ 01 Oct 2014 with 30 notes via/source

It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.

» Lou Holtz (via feellng)  
reblogged 4 days ago @ 28 Sep 2014 with 999 notes via/source

I see you and something
Inside me changes again.
You affect me in ways
I cannot understand
Which partly explains
Why I love you. And also:
You long to be better.
To be more. You are not
Content with a life
Resting on your laurels
Or stagnating in
I sing to you that there
Is a place for us. I am not
Convincing myself tonight:
I believe. I can feel.
This is certainty. I love
You in between
The spaces of what makes
Sense and what doesn’t.
I love you in the time it takes
For your voice to reach mine
Over the phone over
Thousands of miles.
I love you in the illogical sense.
In the space between being
Content and always yearning.
I love you in the things
I don’t say to you
That I write into my poems
And the pauses
After you’ve been
Looking at me
Before you say something.
Tonight, I am doing
Just fine.

» "When you ask how I am, this is how I would like to respond" by Radha Kistler (via floatinginthethoughtstreams)  
reblogged 5 days ago @ 27 Sep 2014 with 57 notes via/source

I still call you
At three in the morning
When the party is over
And everyone has gone.
You are the last thought
Before my eyelids drift
Heavily into some unknown
My love for you
Is not something
I will wake up from
One morning
And realize it has lifted
From me: not something
That will simply just
Be gone. Someone is
Falling in love tonight
In my house.
With not only the idea
Of a person: but with
Flesh. And with bone.
I want to grow more at peace
With the concept of other people
Finding happiness
When I cannot seem to.
When a life I have always wanted
Dangles so close, always circling
Itself in my small palms
As I try to grasp it
Before it vanishes again.
It’s late, and I was sorry
To call and wake you.
But I wish I had you near.

» "Wishing for you to be close" by Radha Kistler   
reblogged 6 days ago @ 25 Sep 2014 with 59 notes via/source

There are two types of waiting. There’s the the waiting you do for something you know is coming, sooner or later—like waiting for the 6:28 train, or the school bus, or a party where a certain handsome boy might be. And then there’s the waiting for something you don’t know is coming. You don’t even know what it is exactly, but you’re hoping for it. You’re imagining it and living your life for it. That’s the kind of waiting that makes a fist in your heart.

» (via wordsthat-speak)  
reblogged 1 week ago @ 23 Sep 2014 with 38,400 notes via/source
reblogged 1 week ago @ 23 Sep 2014 with 40 notes via/source

I would break to touch you.
I have, in fact. Over and over
but I cannot put you away.
Cannot prematurely sever
the ends of our conversations
cannot say at this point
I would not marry you.
I fear a life devoid
of passion. Of unspoken
empty silences
and memories
of love that once burned
so fiery and brilliant
of intimacy so profound
I can put my words away
for a few moments
stop trying to describe
our love.
This is what I have felt,
with you.
You are the one
I will compare all
of the rest to.
You asked me
not to forget about you
How could I? I asked.
You are still
the love of my life.

» "Don’t Tell Me To Let Go" by Radha Kistler {} (via floatinginthethoughtstreams)  
reblogged 1 week ago @ 21 Sep 2014 with 75 notes via/source

I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.

» Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time    
reblogged 2 weeks ago @ 15 Sep 2014 with 53,665 notes via/source
(c) Michael Faudet
posted 2 weeks ago @ 15 Sep 2014 with 16 notes
xThe Chase xMichael Faudet xPoetry xPoem xLove xQuotes xHappiness xRelationships xSpilled ink xProse xLit

Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.

» Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince   
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 11 Sep 2014 with 466 notes via/source

You don’t want love, you want
something you consider
More meaningful.
You want sanity.
You want some sense of accomplishment
a way to look into the mirror and be proud
of the person you are becoming.
A way to be proud of what you have done.
The lone wolf conquering the vast
landscape all on his own.

You do not want the pressure
of sonnets, and love songs.
Of endless devotion.

You tell me,
“I don’t want to be alone.
But I need to”

You cannot find
your own eternal pulse
within you yet.
You cannot find your own meaning
for why we do anything.

You will find your own way
in the world without me.

I tell myself
I have to let you go.

» "Journey of the Self" By Radha Kistler  
reblogged 3 weeks ago @ 11 Sep 2014 with 117 notes via/source

I have only been officially driving for less than a month or so, and I have been using an automatic. I first learned how to drive a car using a manual last year though. But I kinda swore to myself that I will never drive one again ever since I almost hit a car behind me. I always get nervous when the car I’m driving backs up, and my foot would automatically hit the brakes faster than my other foot would step on the clutch. Thus, resulting to a dead engine. A total facepalm moment. 

It’s been almost a year since I drove a manual, and today I dared to give it a try again. After being able to drive around using our automatic SUV, I gained the much needed confidence I lacked before. And that is probably what drove me to try my luck again with our manual.

I was overjoyed when I managed to drive it around and park it in our SUV’s parking spot. Then I parked our SUV near our house so that I can give it a little wash. After my car washing duties, I drove our SUV behind our manual so I can just easily move it forward to it’s spot when I have returned the manual back to it’s respective parking spot. Feeling confident that I would easily be able to put it back, I eagerly switched to our manual. But there was one thing I forgot to take important notice. I parked in an uphill area. The very moment I released the clutch, the car backed down and my foot automatically found the brakes. Why the hell did I park our SUV behind it and risk the chance of it getting hit by me?! I started sweating heavily when thoughts of the last incident I had with our manual came flashing back to me. Oh God. But I had to give it another try and I released the brakes. It backed down again and this time I hit the brakes too fast before I could properly step on the clutch. I killed the engine. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What to do? What to do? I was all by myself and my grandma doesn’t know a thing about driving! So I sat there with a dead engine and thought to myself. I should learn to conquer this trauma. I tried again. Dead engine. Tried again. Dead engine. And again. Dead engine. Four freakin’ times! I laughed at my own foolishness. Why was I so scared to let go of the brakes?! Why can’t I just hit the gas instead so I can move forward? I was sitting there trying to figure it all out on my own for almost half an hour. I thought about moving our SUV out of the way first, so that if kept moving back, I won’t hit anything. For some reason, I didn’t do it. I just stayed there and thought hard. Oh God I have called your name more than I should but I called to Him again and asked for His help again. And for the fifth time, I willed myself to start the engine again and release the clutch. I stepped on the brakes again the very moment the car backed down an inch. I’ll be stuck here forever if I keep hitting brakes! I summoned all my courage and released the brakes. I hit the gas as soon as I felt the car back down and FINALLY! God thank you! I moved forward! Phew! I started laughing at myself as I drove straight up the road. What have I gotten myself into? I turned around and readied to park it to it’s respective place. I made a turn too tight that I almost hit the street sign post the first try. I totally lost myself with that uphill trauma I just tried to conquer. I used to be able to park it with just one try. I had to reverse and redo the turn. I finally parked it perfectly on second try. I’m never doing that again! I’m not meant to drive a manual! I shouted and tried to calm myself down. My heart was still racing when my grandma approached me. “Wag mo sabihin yan, magtatampo yan” she told me, referring to our manual. She said I should try driving it again until I fully learn how to control it. She was right. Despite the fact that I made a complete fool out of myself there earlier, I should try to conquer that fear I have instead of letting it win over me. It would mean a lot if I learned how to drive our manual because hey, it doesn’t consume as much gas as our SUV. It would help me save gas money haha.

But then there was nothing more comforting when I sat down our SUV and drove it without having to worry about moving backwards or stepping on any clutch or killing the engine. I only had to step on the brakes, release it a little if I wanted to move a little. As easy at that! I just feel so at ease and more comfortable using our SUV now. I remembered how I used to tell everyone that I didn’t like to learn how to drive it because it was so big for me! The size of it was truly intimidating! But now, I can totally understand why they say using an SUV feels safer than using small cars. When I drove our manual around earlier, I felt so small and vulnerable. I now find more comfort in driving a huge SUV rather than driving a small car. To which I always thought would be easier to drive around. I was so wrong.

So yeah, I’m no longer dying to have a smaller car to drive. I am completely happy and contended with our SUV. But as for our manual, I will still try my best to get over my fear of driving uphill roads. Manual Vs. Automatic? The latter is no doubt the best choice for someone like me. It’s just a matter of preference. Some people prefer manual for a lot of reasons. But for someone who gets easily nervous and confused like me, driving a manual can be a bit of a challenge.

posted 3 weeks ago @ 07 Sep 2014 with 1 note
xI had to vent sorry xpersonal xdriving xfunny story