Can you see me? All of me? Probably not. No one ever really has.
It’s not the feeling of being useless that brings me down, but the feeling of trying as much as I can and it goes by unnoticed. It’s the feeling of trying to put together the right words as best as I can and it isn’t heard. It’s the feeling of trying to be there as much as I can and it’s shrugged off as if my efforts won’t ever amount to anything. It’s nothing but useless, you know? Because trying should be enough. At least trying is better than not trying. Being useless isn’t it, but that’s the closest it gets.
You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world.
It’s not the million of thoughts I worry about, I can deal with them, it’s that one thought that can occupy so much space in my mind; it could drown me down. How just one thought can bring out my insecurities, fears, and worries is quite terrifying. How just one thought can push every other thought out so easily, like the feared bully on the playground. I’m not afraid of having too many thoughts, I’m afraid of having one that can nearly destroy me, mentally.